Archive for June, 2010

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FOUL MOUTHS MUST NOT SIGH

June 3, 2010

Although I nearly regurgitated my measly breakfast this morning,
I’m most grateful to the young lady who came to see me today……
……. and I’m pretty sure Vanessa is too.
I got to work today,
And before I had the chance to even drop my laptop on my desk,
I was told someone was waiting to be interviewed by me.
She wanted to work for me in the “hospitality” department.
A department that requires a lot of direct and close contact with people of rather high repute….
….usually.
I had to settle before having a chat with her to decide whether or not she qualified for the position.
I was quite irritated when I finally spoke with her because first of all,
She didn’t know who she was coming to see.
She had just appeared under someone’s recommendation….
….and this person doesn’t even work with me.
I had never heard of the person.
Anyway,
So she came to me through this random person who didn’t have the decency to call ahead and tell me to expect someone.
I asked her a few questions and each time she answered I had to ask her to repeat.
Eventually,
I asked her to come closer so I could hear her because I can only say “pardon” so many times.
OOOOOH ! BIG FAT MISTAKE!!!!
Girl’s breath was NASTY!
I suddenly felt very faint.
I thought…….
……was she sent here to punish me?
Does she know about my fear of bad breath and other body related odours?
Because I swear she spoke in my face like it was some kind of defense mechanism.
Almost like she was trying to tell me to back off!
Like a skunk.
Defending its territory.
Charlie!
No way.
First thing I thought when I came back to…..
….was OMG!
….someone has to “eat” that nasty spit. (I know how nasty this sounds)
Momone kwraa nfa ne ho!
I have a genuine question for all of you.
When your breath smells funky, do you not know?
Does it not bother you?
Do you not worry that it will offend the next person?
Because I am all about oral hygiene.
I think my boyfriend, my sister and I are the most breath conscious people I know.
If you ask what our favourite dessert is…..
…..we may very well say toothpaste and mouthwash!
Thing that amazes me most about people with bad breath is their confidence.
They come right up to your face to say what they have to without a second thought as to how their terrible emissions will affect the receiver.
Do you want to give me a bronchial attack?
Why?
I’m sitting down minding my own business….
…then some foul mouthed person creeps up from behind me……
….and whispers in my ears (somehow the wind misses my ears and goes straight up to my nostrils)
“Whoooo whhhaited at the whedding and whhhhhhy?”
Yes that is how he says it, in order to unleash his nastiness on me.
And they like saying “hhhhhhhiiiii”
I dare not go near such a person when they decide to whistle a tune instead of singing it.
Worse this is when someone who is your superior,
At work,
At school…..or wherever decides to kill you in this manner.
I sincerely do not know how to handle such a situation.
I get rather embarrassed.
I can only hold my breath for so long people!
Stop hurting me.
I have such a keen sense of smell its torture when I’m close to someone with funky breath…..
….or any nasty smell for that manner.
I realize I puke rather easily.
What happens with the foul mouth’s breath is….
It shoots straight to my head and I get a migraine.
You see there’s a difference between the kind of stale breath after you’ve eaten or when you haven’t spoken for a while.
Don’t get confused.
The kind of breath I’m talking about can melt rubber,
wake a person in a coma,
overpower the toothpaste and mouthwash so that it smells of you and not mint,
bend the toothbrush and cause the dental floss to snap.
A person with that kind of breath cannot drink through a straw because the straw will melt.
Yes!
Proper foul mouth!!!!
Rotting fish and eggs foul.
Please don’t talk to me till you get your mess sorted out.
My issue is a lot of Ghanaians have terrible breath.
That’s why when I watch local movies with scenes where they have to make out I cringe so much.
How much at all are they paying you for that?
A friend of mine said he kissed a girl with halitosis once.
She must have been one fine woman because nothing would cause me to take such a risk.
Yes risk!
Bad breath is only one of my pet peeves!
BODY ODOUR!
That is one I don’t get.
When everyone around you is keeping their distance and will only deal with you from 6 feet away, do you not realize that you have a problem?
Can you not smell it?
Apparently they can’t do anything about it.
That’s what I’ve heard.
You dey lie!
Soak your pits in tomato juice,
Use some lime and ash!
Then follow it up with some deodorant.
I’m pretty sure it will salvage the situation.
And take regular baths.
When I was in school,
There was a pretty young lady who had the worst B.O I had ever come across.
It was so bad the smell seeped through her wardrobe into the next one and ruined the poor person’s clothes.
I am not even kidding.
I think this morning I was on a roll….
…because not only did I experience the foul mouth,
It was backed heavily with some B.O at noon.
I really think someone out there is trying to kill me.
This guy came to stand at my desk to talk to someone and I saw my whole life flash before my eyes!
Now I know we work hard and sometimes we can’t do laundry over the weekend but seriously!
Air your clothes then.
We work in the kind of environment where we deal with a lot of high profile people.
Why must you ruin the image of the company like that?
I’ve noticed that people with smelly pits like to wave their arms around when they are talking to you.
I think there may be two reasons why:
A) They want the tear gas effect. Spread the smell and blind/suffocate the target.
B) Get as much pit airing done before they go home because by the time they do the sun wont be out anymore and they can’t hang clothes out to air.
I think the former is more valid.
Maybe they should let people breathe into grenade shells instead of filling it with whatever chemical compound they do.
Foul mouths need to make money off their “talent”
Whats the point of having something you can’t use.
Not everyone can fart through their mouths.
Now I’m all about hygiene.
Seriously.
I’m out to get you.
All of you.
No I will not sip from the same glass with you.
And no I will not hug you when greeting you.
A handshake will do just fine.
If I smell you I will write about it.
Sooner or later you will know it’s you. Hehehe!
If you have bad breath,
I don’t think anyone should frustrate you.
Left to me alone,
I’ll be sure to ensure your constant state of happiness,
Because in all honesty,
FOUL MOUTHS MUST NOT SIGH.
It’s detrimental to my health.
Thank you.

Dedicated to Vanessa Quarcoopome. Honey enjoy it!

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